Gentle Touch®
Parent-Child Program
MAY I TOUCH YOU?
by
Emma
Miller, D.Div.
With oiled palms facing her daughter,
Elizabeth expectantly says, "May I massage you Kelsey"? The notion of
asking permission to touch often strikes parents oddly. In spite of their love,
the comment, "It's my baby," sometimes indicates the belief
that parents can do what they will, when they will, to
their child. Sadly, this does not account for the needs, feelings, or desires
of the baby.
Remembering that infants are highly
interactive from the beginning is an important part of not taking them for
granted. How many parents are delighted when, pressing a hand on a pregnant
belly, a greeting is returned! Fully conscious before birth, the newborn
continues to strive to make sense of people and things after arrival. Because
touch is the first sense to develop, it is fundamental. That is, the best way
for an infant to learn about herself, her world, and her place in it, is
through the messages she receives through her skin.
Kelsey is beginning to build a sense of who
she is. When Elizabeth asks permission to touch then waits, Kelsey begins to
understand that a response from her is encouraged. This helps Kelsey feel that
it is OK, and even good, for her to express herself. She begins to feel special
and important. This is the foundation for healthy self-esteem, and the ability
to be honest with herself and her feelings.
Sex education begins in infancy. Kelsey is
beginning to construct ideas about her body and its organization, and her
personal boundaries. When Elizabeth enacts her permission ritual, Kelsey
perceives that her body must be important. "If someone wants to touch me,
they need my permission first!". By saying "yes" or
"no", Kelsey can determine who, when, where, and how someone touches
her. Every time Elizabeth shows respect, Kelsey builds self-respect.
Elizabeth wants to establish a good
relationship with her child, and hopes that her child will have good
relationships with others. Kelsey is not always ready or willing to interact.
As she keenly observes Kelsey's cues and sensitively responds, Elizabeth
listens with her heart, tries to be fully available, and appreciates her infant
as an individual. Kelsey is an active participant in her world. Together,
mother and daughter create a positive, and often lifelong, line of two-way
communication. Being an expert on her child, Elizabeth helps other people
interpret her infant's signals so that their interactions can be mutual and
successful.
Issues of touch are particularly important to
Elizabeth. Like many adults, she did not have a warm tactile relationship with
her parents. In addition, she has had life experiences when touch was unwanted,
hurtful, or traumatic. Elizabeth acknowledges that she wishes she had been
asked. Through providing her daughter with a choice, along with counseling and
support, Elizabeth allows a wounded piece of herself to heal. Elizabeth would
like Kelsey to experience the richness of caring human relationships, and makes
every effort to offer love through her nurturing, appropriate touch.
Elizabeth's efforts are not wasted. By her own
experience, Kelsey learns what trust and intimacy are all about. As she peers
at her mother's hands, she feels safe, loved, and lovable. In the nonverbal
language her mother has come to understand, Kelsey joyfully responds,
"Yes! I'd like a massage now!". For you see, to this baby, it is a
welcoming new world.
Author's Note: April is National Prevent Child Abuse Month.
These concepts are applicable to all adults
and children, especially within families.
See this article, printed with permission,
in the:
April, 2002 regional newspaper insert for the “Week
of the Young Child” by Region A Partnership for Children in Western North
Carolina
Childbirth Solutions, Inc. website: www.childbirthsolutions.com
Winter, 2000 issue of IMA Success, The
International Massage Association
Spring, April/May, 1999 issue of Creations
Magazine
January-February, 1999 issue of Birth to Three
Parenting Newsletter
Fall/Winter, 1998 issue of Family Time Magazine
May-June, 1998 issue of Spirit of Change,
New England's Holistic Magazine
February, 1998 issue of Touch Matters,
International Association of Infant Massage, United Kingdom Chapter
October, 1997 issue of UB Goodnews,
Universal Brotherhood Movement, Inc.
August, 1997 issue of International
Newsletter, International Association of Infant Massage
Spring, 1997 issue of Tender Loving Care,
International Association of Infant Massage, United States Chapter
Spring, 1997 issue of MotherTongue
Tender Nurturing Touch, International
Association of Infant Massage, New Zealand Chapter
Stay in Touch, International
Association of Infant Massage, Australia Chapter
Please contact the author for permission
to reprint.
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